haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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