Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
