I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
