Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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