escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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