My nipple is on Facebook.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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