Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
