Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
