Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
