we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I look better un-naked...
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
