I accidentally had phone sex last night
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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