That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize