there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
