I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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