he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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