i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
