I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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