Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
