i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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