do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
