Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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