Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
