I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
