Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
