Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
