I think i peed on brittanys purse
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
