Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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