I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
