haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
