you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
