i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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