He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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