I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I am midnight drunk by noon
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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