I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
