Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
