Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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