you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
