Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
His hands were made for my vagina.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
