thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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