Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
