So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
