Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
