I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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