That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
