remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
