I saw his package. It spoke to me.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
