they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
