let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Randomize
