i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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