If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
