It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
