It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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