Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
