Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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