I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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