Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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