Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
