I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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