youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
